Well, let me just started off by saying i am kind of frustrated and i really need to chill and cool myself down. So i decide to write down my thoughts and feelings on it. Please forgive me if i am, in a way "venting" myself while writing this post out. It have been really hard on me, especially being a single child. All the pressure are on me. My parents, being old fashioned due to "too far" a age gap as one of the reason, there are still many other factors that contribute to this "stressful" environment i am living in. I mean, sometimes i really am unable to take it. Who can i talk to? Surely not my parents. My mother always say," If there's anything, you can talk to me." But so what if i talk to you? Yes, you obviously hear me out. But you will forever still stick to your own stand. So what's the point? I am just merely "venting" out what i hid inside my heart to you but nothing is solved. Talking about that, i hardly even communicate with my father. He is far worst as his age gap is even further off. Sometimes, when parents are too old-fashioned, you just can't withstand them. They wouldn't even stand in your shoes to be viewing things in your perspective. Don't you just find them selfish sometimes? Yes, some may argued, saying that parents care and all of that shit. But hey, being caring and being too overly concern has a big difference. And i mean BIG difference. Haven got any mood to study recently.. These days, out of sudden, mum is starting to pressurise me again. I am hoping she knows that everyone has got a limit. Just cause parents care, that doesn't mean they take that as an advantage. Climb all over my head and stuffs like that. Of course, communication is important as well. If you don't communicate with them, they will never ever know what the hell is going through your head. They ain't some brain reader or mind reader or whatever you call that. There's even once they told me, " I think i should bring you to see a doctor, to find out what's wrong with you." I sat there; looking all cool, and i replied," I think you guys should be the one that needs to see the doctor, not me. I think i've got no problem at all. The problems comes from you all and i think you all should go see the doctor and not me." My dad just gave me a awkward smile, not knowing what to say but just sat there all quiet. Not a single word was said after that. Parents do always think that the problems come from us, but why don't they reflect and think about themselves too? Problems doesn't always comes from kids. Parents do play a part too. Talking about being old fashioned, don't you think old fashioned parents crave for perfections? For example, they find that education is important. To the extend that without education, you will literally die from it. Probably in Singapore's context, you may die as everything in Singapore goes by certificates and all. But these days, more and more teenagers ain't going to school. Instead, starting on their working life. I mean not all jobs require you to apply what you learn in school. I do agree that a basic fundamental is needed. But sometimes, some people just wants to do what they want. Some people just can't study. So why can't parents just understand? Why force someone who do something they do not like just to please you and all. Although parents always say they know nobody is perfect, etc.. But when it comes to your other half, to be exact, your boyfriend or husband, they will go full out. In a way, they needs to see what qualifications he has, how "good" he's and all. It really kills me to see how they are actually looking at things and sometimes not realising they're "judging" others, despite them saying they ain't judging, so on and so forth. To me, i think it is ideal to even pressurise your own kids, they will end up being more rebellious, etc.. Find a better way to solve problems and all. Get a counsellor if needed.

Okay, enough of all these shit. Cause, "Haters are gonna hate, potato are gonna potate." So let me end off that topic on parents perspective v.s our own perspective. Cause if i'd continue on, i might end up going crazy. I'm somehow half insane. Close to reaching my limits. I even got the feeling of "avoiding" reality. But what else can i do? Where else can i go? How far can i go? So many questions stucked in my head. So many unspoken words bottled in my heart. I am always telling myself i'll be able to go through all these shit, just a few more years to go. And i'll gain all the freedom i can have. It's easier said than done. Even as i am writing this, i am letting out a big sigh. Although, i am facing all these right now, but there's still a person who's willing to love me and give me everything. I truly and deeply feel fortunate and blessed to have him. I am feeling so bad now because he did far too much for me. I really have no idea how to thank him.. I really don't wish he give up what he like because of me.. Isn't worth isn't so..? Just love him very much. He means everything to me.

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